


MEET ME IN DENVER

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-04
Updated: 2009-08-04
Packaged: 2019-02-05 17:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12798717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: Jack's wish finally comes true.





	MEET ME IN DENVER

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Title: MEET ME IN DENVER

Author: Donna McIntosh

Fandom: Brokeback Mountain

Genre: Slash

Rating: NC – 17 FRAO

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain and I make no money off these stories.

Summary: Jack's dream finally comes true.

Beta: Thanks to Janie for all her help. She's a blessing!

 

MEET ME IN DENVER

 

"I might as well be dead!" Ennis heard the words loud and clear as he climbed the four steps to the kitchen door. "I might as well be dead!" 

 

Ennis rapped lightly on the screen door and tried not to hear the anguish in Mr. Cole's voice. He knocked a second time a little louder but all he could hear was the heart-wrenching sobs of a man in pain.

 

He put his hand up to the screen to shield the sun and peered inside. Mr. Cole was sitting at the kitchen table. A whiskey bottle was turned over on its side, an ash tray was over-flowing but the thing that made Ennis' blood run cold was the sight of the revolver.

 

Mr. Cole was slumped over the table, sobbing into his crossed arms, one hand caressing the gun and mumbling incoherently. The only words Ennis could make out were, "I might as well be dead."

 

"Mr. Cole?" Ennis called to him but there was no answer. He pushed the screen door open and stepped into the kitchen. "Mr. Cole?" He said it a little louder.

 

"Huh?" Mr. Cole looked up bleary eyed. "Ennis?"

 

"Uh, yeah. I need to talk to you about my pay check. You made a mistake here. This is more than three months pay here."

 

"She's gone, Ennis – gone." He slumped his head back down and wept.

 

"Uh, Mrs. Cole? She should be back in a couple a days. Operations don't take that long any more."

 

"No, Ennis. She didn't make it. They tried but it was too late. She's gone."

 

Ennis was stunned. He knew, as did the rest of the hands out at Cole's ranch, that Mrs. Cole was in the hospital for an operation of some kind. All anyone knew was that it was some kind of 'female thing'. He hadn't heard anything about it being serious.

 

"You don't mean … I mean … she ain't …" Ennis stuttered.

 

"She's dead, Ennis. Yesterday afternoon."

 

"Jesus," Ennis muttered and paced around the kitchen a bit. "It ain't right. She was too young! It ain't right."

 

"I can't live without her, Ennis. I just can't."

 

Ennis was at a loss. He didn't know what to do or say. He finally came over to the table and rested a hand on Mr. Cole's shoulder. It seemed to stem the great shaking sobs and Mr. Cole sat up and reached for the whiskey bottle and knocked it to the floor.

 

Ennis picked it up, shook it and saw that it was empty. "You got more a this 'round here?"

 

"Top shelf. Over the sink." Mr. Cole waved a weary hand.

 

Ennis pulled a bottle down and opened it. He poured Mr. Cole half a glass.

 

"Thanks." Mr. Cole took the glass and swallowed a large gulp. "Can you sit with me a bit? Have a drink."

 

"Um … sure." Ennis took a glass off the cupboard, poured himself a short drink and sat down across from Mr. Cole. "Is there someone I can call for you?"

 

"No. There's nobody that gives a damn about me. Nobody ever did but Caroline."

 

Ennis kept eyeing the gun that was now off to one side but within easy reach. "What do you plan on doin with that?" He asked.

 

"I ain't livin without her, Ennis." He stared Ennis straight in the eye.

 

Ennis stared back into the blood-shot eyes, the face still wet with tears. "She wouldn't want that."

 

"She ain't around to object now, is she?"

 

"She still wouldn't want you to do nothin like that."

 

"I wish you could a known her better, Ennis. She was the only one for me. I know, most men do a lot of Tom-cattin around but I never did. I met her in high school. We were both seventeen. She was the prettiest gal I ever laid eyes on and it shocked me and half the other guys in school that she seemed to like me. Me! Can you imagine that?" He shook his head and sipped his drink.

 

"You knowed her a long time."

 

"Forever. That's what we always said to each other. We were going to be together forever."

 

"Forever is shorter for some people than for others." Ennis said.

 

"Her folks moved to Casper right after graduation and I didn't see her for two years. She came back to Riverton that summer and we met up again at the Dairy Queen. I tell you, Ennis, she was the most beautiful thing I ever did see. I was sitting there with Cal Bently drinkin a root beer and she walked in and I nearly choked to death on that damn soda! She came over to see if I was okay and I swear to God, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven." He smiled at the memory.

 

Ennis didn't want to sit there and listen to someone else's love life but he couldn't bring himself to get up and leave. Mr. Cole seemed to need to talk so he sat there.

 

"We left the old DQ together and within a week, I asked her to marry me and she said yes." He leaned back in the chair some and seemed to lose some of his misery so Ennis just let him talk.

 

"Our folks hated the idea. You see, she come from a staunch Republican family and my folks were hard nosed Democrats. They did every thing they could think of to break us up. Both families threatened to disown us if we got married. We told 'em all to go to hell and we eloped. Not a one of 'em ever spoke to us again."

 

"That ain't right." Ennis said.

 

"We didn't care. We were nineteen and crazy in love. They kept sayin we were too young to know what we were doin but we knew. We knew what we wanted. Just cause we were still teen-agers don't mean we couldn't be in love." He shook his head in misery.

 

Ennis felt sick to his stomach. He was thinking of two other ninteen-year olds up on a mountain, rolling in the grass. 

 

"Why the hell shouldn't we be together? It was our lives? We had the right to spend them with whoever we wanted to!"

 

"You never heard from none of 'em? Not even her family?"

 

"Nope. And we never got in touch with them neither. I asked her if she wanted me to call them years ago. She lost a baby, third year we were married. A son. We named him Harold. He died when he was seventeen days old. I thought I'd lose her, she was so upset. Doctor told her she couldn't have any more kids. It was a bad, bad time. I thought she might need her Momma but she said no. She didn't want to have nothin to do with them."

 

"Can't say as I blame her." Ennis said.

 

"Oh they were good folks, all right, but just stubborn as mules – hers and mine both – all four of 'em."

 

"They need to be told – about what happened, I mean." Ennis said.

 

"They already have." Mr. Cole started getting all puffed up. "You know what they said?"

 

Ennis shook his head no.

 

"I had Dr. Elliot call 'em. Her Momma answered the phone and you know what she said? She said 'I don't have a daughter by the name of Caroline Cole.' That bitch! I hope she rots in hell!"

 

"Maybe the doctor got the wrong number?"

 

"No. I was right there beside him when he called. He asked for Mrs. Virginia Whitley of 23 Barrington Street, Casper. It was her all right. They lived in that house since they moved from Riverton. It had belonged to the grandma years back. They moved into it when she died."

 

"I guess she felt she lost her daughter a long time ago – when the two of you got married."

 

"She did. And she never tried, not one time, to call or contact her or nothin. None of 'em did. Not her folks or her two brothers. My folks didn't neither."

 

"That's sad."

 

"Thirty three years." Mr. Cole was muttering. "We were married thirty three years last spring. Now it's all over and they can't even come round to see her off." He finished off his drink and slid his glass over to Ennis for a refill.

 

Ennis poured a short one this time. "Funeral tomorrow?"

 

"Uh huh. Then I'm clearin out."

 

"Huh? You movin?" Ennis asked.

 

"Yeah. I'm movin on." Mr. Cole reached over and ran his finger tips over the cold steel of the gun.

 

"You ain't gonna be doin nothin foolish now are you?" Ennis asked.

 

"Won't be foolish, Ennis. I'm puttin her in the ground tomorrow then I'm outta here. That's all I got to say."

 

Ennis poured him another drink and this time he filled the glass. Mr. Cole drank and cried and sobbed out more stories of their early years together and how they had struggled for years to save up enough money for a down payment on their ranch. They had both worked jobs in town for several years before they finally got the ranch to support itself. She had loved ranch life as much as he did. Ennis kept refilling his glass.

 

"I never been with another woman but her – never wanted to. She was everything to me, Ennis. And now it's all gone."

 

"You still got the ranch. She'd want you to hold on to it."

 

"I already saw a lawyer and had him draw up papers. The place is free and clear and I deeded it over to the state. Whatever comes of it goes in a scholarship fund for Riverton graduates so they can go to college."

 

"Maybe you should think about that a while. It's ain't good to make decisions while you're grievin."

 

"It's already done. I got no use for the place without her. If I don't have her, I got nothing." 

 

Ennis twisted in his seat and wished there was something he could do or say to help but he was in over his head. He didn't know what to say. "Can I see the gun?" he finally asked.

 

"Huh? Oh … sure. Here." He handed Ennis the gun and picked up his drink.

 

Ennis looked it over carefully and turned the barrel quietly and dumped the bullets out into his lap, one by one, then shoved them into his jeans pocket and laid the gun back on the table. "You got no need to be messin with this, Mr. Cole."

 

"I don't feel so good." Mr. Cole massaged his forehead. "I think I need to lie down." He stood up, stumbled against the table and Ennis jumped up to give him a hand.

 

They made their way into the bedroom and Ennis helped him onto the bed. He pulled off Mr. Cole's boots and covered him with the quilt from the foot of the bed. "You'll feel better tomorrow." Ennis said and turned to walk out.

 

"Thank you, Ennis. Thanks for everything." 

 

"Uh huh." Ennis said and left. He stopped in the kitchen on his way out and picked up the gun and put it in his pocket and walked out.

 

Ennis stopped at the liquor store on the way home and bought his usual Friday night case of beer. 24 long necks. He drank two each night after work and finished the rest off over the weekend. He put them in the refrigerator all but one. He found his opener, popped the lid, and took a long drink. 

 

"Shit! What the fuck am I going to do now?" He plopped into the recliner, pulled the lever and raised the foot rest. Nobody was hiring this time of year; not just before the holidays. He pulled his paycheck out of his pocket and looked at it again. It was three – nearly four months pay. He wondered if the other hands were paid as much.

 

"What a damn shame." He shook his head and thought about Mrs. Cole. He didn't know her very well but she was a very attractive woman even in her early fifties. She was a tiny little thing, not much over five feet tall. She had a mass of dark brown curly hair and a round little face that was always smiling. That's about all he could remember about her except for the fact that he'd heard a couple of the hands talking about her and how lucky Mr. Cole was. 

 

"Lucky." Ennis thought out loud. "At least they had thirty three years together." He started adding the weeks that he and Jack had had together. All together they added up to less than a year. Life just wasn't fair!

 

He got up and got himself another beer and thought what he wouldn't give to have thirty years with Jack! So Mr. Cole's family and in-laws hated him. So what? At least the whole world didn't hate him. Not like their situation – not at all. The Coles were lucky all right. 

 

He had a horrible dream that night. He saw himself sitting at his little kitchen table holding Mr. Cole's gun and crying. Jack was dead. He didn't know how or why but he knew he was dead and he knew he couldn't go on without him. He woke up with tears streaming down his face, gasping, "Jack! Jack!" He understood the depth of Mr. Cole's anguish then. What would he do if anything every happened to Jack? The thought made him sick to his stomach and he lit a cigarette with shaking hands and inhaled deeply. 

 

"Nothing's gonna happen to Jack. He's too smart. He won't let anything happen." He thought. Then he thought back to their last meeting and the argument they had. It sickened him and he shook it from his mind. He looked at his calendar and counted five more weeks until he would see Jack again. 

 

He decided he'd better get dressed and head on into town. He'd deposit his check into the bank and hit the post office and see if there were any jobs listed in the bulletin board there. There was also a board up in the grocery store and one over at the hardware store. He'd check them all out but he didn't hold out much hope. 

 

He was in the hardware store when he ran into Kenny Burns, another hand from the ranch. He was standing there reading the notices on the board.

 

"Hey, Kenny. Anything interesting?"

 

"Hell no. Not unless you want to hire on as a Gift Wrapper over at Daniels Drug store or take care of widow Kent's five kids while she works at the grocery store." He looked disgusted. "I never thought he'd do nothin like that. Did you?"

 

"Give the ranch away? No. But I never thought Mrs. Cole would pass neither." Ennis shuffled his feet as he read the only two notices for work on the board.

 

"Hell, he wasn't all that old. He coulda found another wife. That wasn't no reason for him to go and blow his brains out!" Kenny said.

 

"What the hell you talkin about?" Ennis couldn't believe his ears.

 

"Old man Cole? You ain't heard? He killed himself last night."

 

"Uh," Ennis grunted and his face screwed up in pain. "I saw him last night. He had a gun but I took it with me when I left. I got it in my trailer."

 

"Rancher's always got more than one gun." Kenny said and the two of them stood there in silence for several minutes before Kenny mumbled a few words and took off.

 

"Jesus H. Christ!" Ennis mumbled as he made his way out to his truck. He stopped at the liquor store and got a bottle of whiskey. He got back in his truck, started his engine, turned it off and went back inside and bought another bottle. 

 

He was sleeping off the weekend drunk Monday morning when someone pounding on his door woke him up. He pulled on his jeans and opened the door. "Yes?"

 

"Ennis del Mar?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

"I'm Edward J. Dilby, attorney at law. May I come in for a moment?"

 

"Attorney? What do you want with me?" Ennis squinted against the cold wind blowing in and reached for his cigarettes.

 

"You were the ranch manager for Luther Cole's ranch? Am I correct?"

 

"That's right. Oh. You want the gun back? It's right here." Ennis stepped back and reached for the gun and handed it to the man.

 

"Oh my no. I never touch those things. Very well, if you want to do this on your door step, I'll continue."

 

"Uh … come on in." He held the door open and the attorney came in – grateful to be in out of the cold wind at last.

 

"Thank you! Thank you, Mr. del Mar. This won't take but a minute."

 

"You want some coffee? I can make some up in a few minutes." 

 

"No. No thank you. I already had some this morning. The reason that I'm here is that Mr. Cole left you his pickup truck. I have some papers for you to sign." He started digging in his coat pocket and brought out an envelope.

 

"He what?" Ennis wasn't quite sure he had heard the attorney correctly.

 

"His pickup. He left it to you." The attorney pulled the papers out of the envelope and smoothed them out and handed them to Ennis.

 

"That truck's brand new! He got it just a few months ago. I can't make payments on somethin like that."

 

"Oh it's paid in full. You don't have to worry about making payments on it."

 

"If it's paid off, it must be part of his estate or somethin. Shouldn't it go along with the ranch and the rest of his stuff?"

 

"He had me draw up the papers the day his wife died. He set the ranch up to be sold off and the proceeds to go into the Riverton Scholarship fund but he made specific provisions for you to get the pickup. He said the one you were driving was a pile of junk and you'd need something reliable to get around in."

 

"The hell he did!" Ennis backed away and stood leaning against the sink.

 

"If you'll just sign here and here," the attorney handed him the papers and pointed to two blanks, "the truck is yours." 

 

Ennis stared at him for a moment until the attorney handed him a pen and again pointed to the blanks. Ennis scribbled his name on both lines and the attorney handed him the truck keys.

 

"That'll do it. Thank you for your time." The attorney handed Ennis one of the papers and folded the other one and put it back into his pocket. He stepped out into the cold October wind and climbed into his car next to his driver. Mr. Cole's blue Ford 250 sat next to Ennis' truck.

 

Ennis stood staring until the attorney disappeared in the distance. Ennis slammed the door close and locked it. He tossed the keys on the sink and went into the bathroom and stood in the shower until the hot water ran cold. He wrapped a towel around his waist and came out. "Damn, I need coffee!" He said as he filled the pot. He fiddled with the burner and managed to get it to come on. He pulled his jeans on and an old sweat shirt then stomped his boots on. 

 

"This is crazy!" he said as he gave a side-ways glance at the keys lying next to the sink. "The whole fuckin world is crazy!" He took a cup down from the cupboard and filled it with the steaming brew. He blew on it first then sipped. He took a box of Cheerios down from the cabinet and sat at his little table eating out of the box and sipping his coffee.

 

After he had enough he grabbed his Levi jacket, got in his old truck and headed into town. As he passed cemetery road, he noticed a long line of cars. He turned in and saw several people that he recognized and a couple trucks that he knew belonged to Cole ranch hands. He parked and got out. The ceremony was just finishing up when he walked up. Two caskets were sitting there side by side ready to be lowered into the ground. The minister wrapped things up and the crowd began to disperse. He nodded to the few people he knew then headed back to his truck.

 

He sat in his truck for a while after everyone else had gone. "What a waste!" He thought. Cole was a good man, a faithful husband and he loved his wife. And now they were both gone. The ranch will be sold and it will be as if they had never even existed.

He keyed the ignition, turned the truck around and headed for the grocery store. He 

got some groceries, a newspaper, and he checked the bulletin board again. No new ads. He headed on home.

 

The wind was blowing cold again and it smelled of rain. No use driving around trying to find work now. The newspaper ads were useless as well. He drank a beer and sank further into depression. What was he going to do now? He asked himself that question over and over again.

 

With the check that Mr. Cole had given him, he knew he could make it for a few months. His trailer was paid off and his lot rental was minimal. He could make it through winter if he was careful. 

 

Mr. Cole's truck sat there two full weeks before Ennis ever touched it. The transmission on his old truck was skipping and the tires weren't all that good. The roads had already iced up a couple of times and the last time he was out he had lost traction and nearly skidded off the road. 

 

It was time to go into town for groceries again so he grabbed the keys to the new truck and climbed inside. He had to sit a few minutes to admire it. He remembered when Mr. Cole first bought it. He had showed it off to the hands. He was really proud of it. It had all the extras, top of the line everything.

 

Ennis had never driven a new truck before – never even sat in one. The effect was dramatic. The ride was amazingly smooth and quiet. The engine purred and he sailed along the highway with ease. 

 

He decided not to stop at the grocery store just yet and take a little ride instead. The gas tank was full and he had a little money in his pocket for the groceries so he headed out of town. He wanted to see what driving this truck would be like on the highway.

 

In no time at all, he was flying through Lander. He had to remind himself to slow down. He didn't want to get a ticket. But once he was out on the open highway again he opened it up. It wasn't until he passed through the town of Kemmerer that he realized where he was heading. 

 

The sign said twenty-four miles to Sage. He slowed down then and wondered how he had gotten there so fast. Now he was concentrating on the landscape and the road in front of him instead of his new pickup. Nothing about his surroundings looked familiar to him. He tried to remember how long it had been since he had been there and he realized that he hadn't been back since he and K.E. left the area to find work up in Worland when he was eighteen. More than twenty years ago.

 

Everything was different now. There were fast-food chains all along Main Street. Down town now covered blocks and blocks instead of just the small area it had when he was last there. There was a new high school over where Potter's field used to be. The old one across the street was now a junior high. He turned around in the parking lot, drove back into town and stopped at McDonald's for a burger and fries. 

 

He scanned the people coming and going while he was eating to see if he knew anyone but they were all strangers to him. He knew on the exact spot where he was sitting there used to be an old gas station. The street was narrower then. Now it was a wide four-lane street with turn lanes in the middle. He looked up and down the street but saw few buildings that he remembered. He could see the First National Bank building. That still sat on the corner of First and Main. Across from that he could still see the J.C. Penny's building. 

 

He finished his food and got back into his truck and drove down Main Street. He paused as he drove past The Red Door bar. It looked like they had a new door but it was still painted a bright red. He remembered many a time when he and K.E. would go in there and drag their father out – so drunk he didn't even know who they were half the time. The corner where Lemon's Used Cars used to be was now a strip mall with a dozen little shops. Across the street Buzzy's Barber Shop was still there. It must be run now by one of his sons now because Buzzy was an old man with white hair when he used to cut Ennis' hair. The Luher's Hotel was now an antique shop. Western Auto was still there but twice the size that he remembered it being. 

 

"Everything changes," he sighed, "everything." He turned south and headed out for their old ranch. He saw an old rusty For Sale sign on the corner post and drove on past it. There were charred remains where the old barn had burned down. It was over-grown with weeds and saplings so it must have happened years ago. 

 

The old house sat alone and abandoned – the front door standing wide open. He could hear his mother yelling at them, "Ennis, K.E. close the door! You're lettin flies in!"

 

He got out of his truck and walked up to the porch. He noticed the huge oak tree had grown branches that now reached out over the top of the house and had pushed the porch partially off its foundation. 

 

He stepped carefully across the squeaking porch into the front room. One window off towards the west was still intact but the rest were broken out. Small critters scattered as he walked across the cracked and broken linoleum. A bird squawked at him through a hole in the roof. He stared at the corner where his father's chair used to sit. He remembered it was a big brown thing and if their dad was home, they weren't allowed to sit in it. It was 'his' chair and they had best remember it or they'd get tossed across the room if he came in and found one of them sitting there. 

 

The kitchen cabinets where his mom used to stand while she fixed dinner were still there. All the paint was gone off them now and the doors hung half off their hinges but he could still see bits of red-checked oil cloth that she had lined all the shelves with. "Momma," he whispered to the empty room and wiped the mist from his eyes on his shoulder. 

 

He climbed the creaking stairs, carefully stepping around the debris. He paused at the first door which had been K.E.'s room. He glanced in at the lime-green walls that someone had painted. A skull and cross-bones had been painted in black in one corner, graffiti in another. His room across the hall had been painted a ghastly whore-house pink. Tattered remains of some ruffled curtains flapped in the breeze by the broken window. The closet door was on the floor. He stepped inside the small closet and saw the old pencil marks he had made as a boy every year on his birthday he would stand there with a ruler on top of his head and mark off how tall he had grown. The highest mark came just below his shoulder now. He was pleased that at least they hadn't put that awful pink paint in there. There was an empty Coke bottle in one corner half stuffed with cigarette butts.

 

He needed to get out of there. He drove back into town and stopped at the first quiet place he came to – The Public Library. He got out and went inside. No one was at the front desk and he was glad. He took a seat and tried to clear his mind. He needed to chase the ghosts away, back into the past where they belonged.

 

He barely heard the small voice around the edges of his consciousness but when she spoke for the second time, he looked up. An ancient white-haired old woman stood before him and she was speaking. "May I help you young man?"

 

"Huh? Oh … a … no. I was just … I don't know why I came in here. I guess 'cause it was nice and quiet." He fumbled for words.

 

"Well, it usually is quiet in here except for Saturday mornings. That's when the children come in for story time. Are you new in town?"

"No … I mean … I don't live here any more but I used to."

 

"Oh, I see. You've come back to visit relatives?"

 

"No. They're all passed on. I was just …" Ennis glanced around not really knowing what to say or do.

 

"Well, I'm glad you stopped by. I haven't had a visitor since last Tuesday. I was just going to have a cup of coffee. Will you join me? I'd consider it a favor." She smiled sweetly at him and he didn't have the heart to turn her down. Besides he was chilled to the bone after that trip through his old house and a cup of coffee sounded just great.

 

"If you sure it won't be any trouble?" He smiled at her.

 

"No trouble at all. I'd be delighted. I'm alone here so much of the time. It's wonderful to have company stop by. You say you used to live here?" She led him into a back room where she motioned him to sit at the small table she had set up. She poured two cups of coffee and brought them to the table. 

 

"Yes, Ma'am. I was born on a ranch about twelve miles south a town."

 

"Is that a fact! I was born here my self – eighty three years ago."

 

"Twelve miles south a here? Let's see, that woulda been, Jenkins? No, they were only about three miles out. Eldrich? They were a little farther out but I don't think it was twelve miles."

 

"del Mar," Ennis said. "Julia and Buster del Mar."

 

"Oh, yes! I remember. Your mother was a darling thing but your daddy was a mean old drunk!"

 

"Yep. That's my folks." Ennis answered sheepishly – a little embarrassed.

 

"There were three of you kids. I remember when your folks died in that awful car crash. Folks said your dad was probably drunk again."

 

"He might a been. I don't know." Ennis answered thinking how strange it felt sitting there talking about his parents with someone who had obviously known and remembered them.

 

"He was the nicest sort of man though – when he was sober – your Pa was – and handsome too. I remember there were more than a few women in town that wanted to get to know him a little better, if you know what I mean." She smiled knowingly at him. "He never was that kind though. He didn't cat around like a lot of men. He was well thought of, until the weekend came around. Then he had to have his liquor and he just got really mean when he drank. Some people are like that you know – alcohol just does things to some people."

 

Ennis had a fleeting thought that he was like his dad in some ways. When Friday came around he had to hit that liquor store. But he stuck mostly to beer and he didn't think the liquor changed him that much.

 

"So what brings you back to Sage?" The old woman asked. "Visiting old friends or are you into the genealogy now like so many young people are."

 

"What's that … genealogy?"

 

"Oh, it's tracing one's family tree – learning everything there is to know about your ancestors." 

 

"They can do that?"

 

"Sure enough. They can find out just about anything about past events now a days. Everything is recorded and files are kept right here in the Public Library."

 

"Everything?"

 

"Just about. Everything that at one or another has become a public record. Marriages, births, deaths, deeds, and of course criminal records."

 

"You have criminal records?"

 

"We do." She eyed him curiously. "Did you get into trouble when you lived here?"

 

"No, no. Not me. I was thinkin though. Years back, when I was a kid, late fifties. Would you have records that far back?"

 

"Certainly. What is it you're curious about?"

 

"There was a … a murder back when I wasn't but nine years old. That would a been in '53. I always wondered about it – if those that done the murder ever got caught?"

 

"I don't remember any murder back that far. This has always been a nice little town. Oh sure there has been some trouble over the years but murder?" She sipped her coffee and tried to remember. "I don't suppose you have this person's name – the one who got murdered? We could always look it up."

 

"Look it up?" Ennis asked.

 

"Sure. If we have a name, or a date, we can search the files and see what happened."

 

"You got police records here?"

 

"Some. But if it was a murder, there would have been newspaper articles written about it. We've got newspapers all the way back to the eighteen hundreds."

 

Ennis stared at her in amazement. Did he dare ask her? 

 

"Over here." She said to him and led him into a small alcove where a small machine sat on a table. "Sit." She ordered and he pulled out one of the chairs in front of the table.

 

"Do you nave a name?" she asked as she scanned a series of boxes on near by shelves.

 

"Just Earl. Can't remember his last name. Don't think I ever knew it. He was a neighbor back then. They found him murdered in a ditch. I just always wondered if whoever done it got caught."

 

"Earl … Earl," the old lady said the name like she was remembering something. "You talking about Earl Bagwell? He lived south of town. Oh my God! That's right! I'd almost forgotten. He was murdered! It was an awful thing! Just terrible." She dug rapidly through the boxes and came out with something and stuck it into the machine on the table. 

 

In a few seconds the screen came alive and he saw the front page of the Sage Reporter. She twisted the knob and page after page flew by until it stopped. The headlines read, "LOCAL RANCHER FOUND DEAD". She did something that made the print larger and they both read the article. There was very little information about the death. It mostly commented on the fact that Earl had been a life-long resident of Sage and mentioned that he had a daughter living in Montana. 

 

"He had a daughter?" Ennis hadn't realized he had spoken out loud.

 

"Yes he did. She was a sickly little thing though. No one thought she'd ever live to grow up and in the end, she out lived her father."

 

"I never heard no talk about a daughter."

 

"Oh they never came to visit or nothing. After their divorce, Reva moved her and the girl to Billings. She had relatives there. Half the town was glad when she left. That's for sure."

 

"Half the town?" Ennis asked.

 

"Uh huh. The female half. Reva was, what they called in those days, a loose woman. She'd lay down with any man who'd give her the time of day. We all felt so sorry for Earl."

 

"He never … a … re-married?" Ennis knew the answer to that one but he wanted to hear what the old woman would say.

 

"No, no. He wasn't really the marryin kind. After Rich moved in … let me see … that was during the war, right at the beginning, I think. Anyway, he moved Rich … Anderson I think was his last name. It was either Anderson or Andrews. Something like that. The two of them lived there together right up until Earl died. It was just a horrible, horrible thing."

 

"Them living together?"

 

"No, no. Nobody cared about that. The killin I mean. There had been a big row at the Red Door that night. Sonny had closed the place down early and thrown everyone out. Most everyone went on home but it was thought by most people that it was part of that crowd that done the killin. Rich had gone off to market somewhere, Denver, I think, to see about a new bull so Earl was alone. When Rich came home the next day he found Earl in the ditch, beaten to death. Poor thing."

 

"They never did find out who did it?" Ennis wet his dry lips with his tongue.

 

"No, not that I remember." She made some adjustments on the machine and twirled the dial. She brought up the police reports. An investigation was done but nothing was ever found. "Poor things. I remember we all felt so sorry for Rich. He wandered around for about a year then just took off. No one ever heard from him after that. At least not that I ever heard about."

 

"You knew them pretty well?"

 

"Oh yes. We all did. In a town this small everyone knew everyone else. Of course Sage was only about half the size it is now. Earl and Rich – they were good people. Real good. Earl had been born right there on that ranch. It belonged to his parents and their parents before them. He was quiet and kind a shy. Everyone was shocked when he and Reva got married. No one even knew they were dating. The girl was born not all that long after they were married so we all thought maybe Reva tricked him into marrying her and that the girl might not even be his. He was a good father to her though and you'd often see him carryin her around town and showin her off. It broke his heart when Reva took the girl and left. Most everyone thought he missed the girl more than Reva and that she took the girl just to spite him. It was a sad time."

 

"And then he moved Rich right in?"

 

"No. It was some time after. Rich came to town looking for work. Earl hired him. That's how they met. They were real good people – both of them. They were sorely missed after they left."

 

"They were?" Ennis was somewhat in a state of shock. He had heard nothing but dirty snide remarks by his father about Earl and Rich. He thought everybody hated them. That's what his father had said.

 

"On my yes. They were the first ones to volunteer if anything needed to be done around town. They each had pickups and those two pickups would be the first to arrive. When the Caufield's barn burnt to the ground, they were the first to be there. I remember driving out to see the place the next morning and the two of them were out there clearin stuff away while it was still smoldering. They showed up with lumber and a crew of men and had the barn re-built in no time. Same thing when Widow Martin's chicken coop was blown away durin a spring storm. They were there the next afternoon and built her a new one. Then showed up the next day with a crate of hens! They never missed church on Sunday and were really well thought of by the whole town – at least, the decent folks in town. There were always those who gossiped about them but most folks never paid it no mind. Their living arrangements were there business and nobody gave it a second thought." She paused in her thoughts and Ennis felt the need to get out of there.

 

"Uh .. I best be goin. I got a long drive ahead of me." He stood up to leave.

 

"I'm so glad that you stopped by. It's always so nice to meet someone from the past. Which of the boys are you? I remember there were two del Mar boys."

 

"Ennis. My brother was K.E." Ennis said as he made his way to the door.

 

"Yes, I remember. And your sister?"

 

"Rosie. She's livin in Casper."

 

"Well you tell your brother and sister that Elvira Edgeworth said hello. If I remember correctly, I had both of them in my American History class."

 

"You were a teacher at the high school?"

 

"I certainly was for forty-two years. Now I do volunteer work here at the library."

 

"Well, thank you, Ma'am, for all your help – and for the coffee." he quickly added.

 

"You come back and see me next time you're in town." She called to him with a wave.

 

He nodded to her, climbed into his truck and left.

 

Ennis' head was spinning as he got back on the highway and headed home. It was all too much for him to digest. First he gets notice that he's lost his job, then his boss kills himself and leaves Ennis a brand new pickup, then the un-nerving walk through his old house, and last but probably most important, a new and totally different view of a murder that has haunted him since childhood. 

 

It was dark by the time he got home. He heated up some hot dogs for supper and ate them out of the pan. He had forgotten to get groceries and made a mental note to go out in the morning. He opened his second beer and sat down in his recliner. 

 

"Jesus H. Christ!" He muttered after lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag on it.

He went over and over everything that he had learned that afternoon then gave up trying to make any sense out of it and went to bed.

 

The next morning he headed out for the grocery store and didn't make it again. He headed north instead. He arrived in Worland mid morning. He stopped at a small café and went in. He ordered coffee and a piece of pie and berated himself for just driving up there on the spur of the moment. He should have called first. He should have timed it better so that he could go see his brother right off. Now he was stuck there in the middle of the day with nothing to do until his brother got home from work. Then there would be supper with the family and they probably wouldn't get a chance to talk until the kids had gone off to bed. 

 

"Ennis del Mar! What are you doin in town?" A hand tugged at his sleeve.

 

"Huh?" He turned around to see his sister-in-law Sharon standing beside him. "Oh, hi, Sharon. I just got in. I … was kind a hungry." He motioned to his empty pie plate.

 

"Well you should a let a body know you were comin, for goodness sake." She gave him a hug as he stood up to greet her. 

 

"I didn't know myself 'til this mornin. I didn't want you to go to no trouble."

 

"Nonsense!" She scoffed. "Come on out to the house. K.E. will be thrilled to see you."

 

"Ain't he at work?"

 

"No and he won't be for another couple weeks. Did he call you and tell you what happened?"

 

"No. I ain't heard from him."

 

"Well, the klutz took a fall and broke his foot. Doctor said he couldn't work for at least six weeks. I thought maybe he called you to complain about it and got you to feelin sorry for him."

 

"No, he didn't call." Ennis tossed a few bills on the counter and walked out front with her.

 

"I just had to get out of the house for a bit and when my neighbor invited me to come to her daughter's shower I jumped at the chance. I've had enough though of cake and coffee and giggly girls. Come on. Follow me. You haven't seen our new place yet and we been there now a good ten years." She scolded him.

 

"I'm right behind you." He climbed into his truck and followed her station wagon until she pulled up into a nice little tree-lined suburb and parked in a shady drive way. Ennis parked behind her and got out.

 

"JESUS H. CHRIST!!!!" K.E. hollared as Ennis came through the door. He nearly toppled over getting up out of the easy chair and groping for his crutches.

 

"Easy there," Ennis reached to help him.

 

They hugged mightily and Ennis felt a tinge of regret that he hadn't kept in touch or been up to seen his brother in years. He helped his brother to sit back down and get his leg situated on the foot-stool. Sharon turned the TV off and announced that she would leave the two of them alone while she got after her chores but warned Ennis first that he'd best not slip out without seeing the boys after they got out of school and that she expected him to at least stay for dinner.

 

"Well, what the hell brings you to Worland after all this time, Ennis?" K.E. asked with a smile – obviously happy to see his little brother again.

 

"I … uh … got me a new truck and I was drivin it around and thought I'd head on up here to see what you've been up to." Ennis sat back on the couch and lit a cigarette.

 

"Not much the last few weeks – not since I busted my damn foot. Still don't know how it happened. I'd been doin some work on the roof – puttin up a new TV antenna. I was just comin down the ladder and I must a stepped wrong or somethin cause next thing I knew I was fallin. Lucky I didn't break my neck!"

 

"Them ladders can be dangerous." Ennis agreed.

 

"So you must be doin pretty good if you can afford a new truck."

 

"Actually, I'm out of work. I worked out at Cole's ranch for the last eight years. Made it up to ranch manager. Then last week, everything went to hell."

 

"What happened? You get yourself into trouble? He fire you after you workin there all that time?"

 

"No, no. Nothin like that. It all happened real quick like. Mr. Cole's wife took sick and needed an operation. She died and he kind a lost it, I guess. He killed himself the next day but first he give away the ranch to the state. So that put me and the rest of the hands out a work. I got drunk and next thing I know, this attorney is bangin on my door and tellin me that Mr. Cole left me his new pickup truck."

 

"So you're out of work and you got truck payments to make now?"

 

"No. I'm out a work all right but the truck is paid off. I ain't got no payments to make on it."

 

"Well that's great then. You get in a bind and you can always borrow on it."

 

"Huh?"

 

"If you need cash money. How old is the truck and what model is it?"

 

"Ford 250. Fully loaded with all the options. It's about three months old."

 

"Jesus. What about mileage?"

 

"Little over five thousand."

 

"Christ. You could probably get ten or maybe even fifteen grand loan on it then."

 

"I don't need no loan. Mr. Cole give me about three months wages in my last check. So I got some time to find me another job."

 

"I could probably get you on out at the warehouse where I work if you're interested. They're always lookin to hire someone. Or are you still determined to do ranch work?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"You wantin to stay in Riverton so you can see your girls?"

 

"Junior is married now and lives in Cheyenne and Jenny moved to Casper this summer. She's livin with Alma's sister Faith and goin to school there. She wants to be a teacher."

 

"Good for her. You got nothin holdin you in Riverton then?"

 

"Nah. That's what I been thinkin. I might move on. I haven't decided where yet. I don't much like change but sometimes you ain't got no choice."

 

"Boy you got that right. I'm about to go nuts sitting here. I never thought my job was much of anything but a way to earn some money but I tell ya, Ennis, I miss it somethin awful."

 

"You'll be back to work in a couple a weeks, Sharon said."

 

"Uh huh. In the mean time, I'm sitting here watching Jeopardy or soap operas. I don't know which is worse."

 

"You watch the soaps?" Ennis grinned at him.

 

"Hell, it's better than those quiz shows. Nothing worse than findin out you don't know nothin about nothin! They ask some of the damnedest questions!"

 

They were silent for a few minutes then Ennis said, "I drove down to Sage yesterday."

 

"You did? Why?"

 

"No particular reason. It was the first time I took the truck out on the highway and before I knew it, there I was."

 

"You go by the place?'

 

"Uh huh."

 

"What's it look like?"

 

"Worse than ever."

 

"Empty?"

 

"Uh huh. For Sale sign up on the front fence corner."

 

"Nobody's dumb enough to buy that place."

 

"Somebody else was livin in it for a while. Your room is painted puke green."

 

"Shit!"

 

"Mine is whore-house pink!" Ennis laughed.

 

K.E. laughed with him and shook his head. "I ain't been back there since we left. Never had no desire to go back there. Too many bad memories."

 

"It was … strange … to see it like that. All open and empty and over-grown. I kept thinkin that Momma would have had a fit if she could see how filthy the place was."

 

K.E. stared off in the distance as old forgotten memories flashed by like pages turning in a book.

 

"Did you have a teacher named Elvira Edgeworth in high school?" Ennis asked.

 

"Huh? Edgeworth? As a matter of fact I did! Mrs. Edgeworth – fourth period American History, junior year. How did you know that?" K.E. grinned.

 

"I met her. She's the librarian now."

 

"School librarian?"

 

"No. Sage has got a public library now. She runs it."

 

"No kiddin?"

 

"She remembered you and Rosie and the folks."

 

"I can't believe she's still alive!"

 

"Eighty three years old she said."

 

"Well, I'll be." Then after he thought about that for a moment he asked, "How did you happen to run into her? I can't see you spendin no time in a Library."

 

"I just come from the house and needed some place quiet to sit for a minute so I parked and went inside to sit. She offered me some coffee so we sat and talked about Sage."

 

"And she remembered you? Us?"

 

"She did. She remembered the accident and said everyone figured that Dad was drunk. Do you remember? Was he drunk that day?"

 

"Shit, Ennis, I don't remember. It's been so long ago. If it was a weekend then he probably was drunk 'cause he drank all weekend but wasn't it during the week? It was because I remember the principal coming into the classroom and getting me out. Remember he picked the three of us up and drove us to the hospital."

 

"That's right. I remember I was in math class and we were about ready to have a test. I remember being glad that I was taken out of class so I would miss the test. All we knew then was that there had been an accident." Ennis said.

 

"Uh huh. I don't remember hearing anything about him being drunk though."

 

"She said it was just some town gossip."

 

"Well, it could a been true. Dad always drank at the least excuse. The dog died and he got drunk. The furnace went out and he got drunk. His favorite team lose a game and he got drunk. Momma get made at him for something and he'd get drunk. And on the weekends, you could count on it. He'd get drunk Friday night and didn't stop drinking until Sunday night."

 

Mrs. Edgeworth said he was real nice when he wasn't drinkin." Ennis said.

 

"He was for a fact. I remember a lot of good times with him. In the summer when we were out of school he'd take us fishin. You remember that?"

 

"Yeah, I remember the fishin." Ennis agreed.

 

"And he taught me how to throw a baseball. He could throw farther and harder than the coach could."

 

"I remember the two of you out back playin catch." Ennis said.

 

"You played too, some." K.E. said.

 

"Yeah, a little. I never did care all that much for sports."

 

"I know. All you ever wanted to do was mess with the horses or the goats."

 

"I did like the animals. Still do." Ennis said.

 

"What else did Mrs. Edgeworth have to say?"

 

"We talked about the town and how much smaller it was back then. And we talked about some of the people we both knew. She was born and raised in Sage and lived there all her life. And she remembers most of it."

 

"Eighty three years. That's a long time to be in one place."

 

Ennis thought about it for a while then asked, "You remember that murder that happened when we was just kids?"

 

"Murder? You mean old Earl?"

 

"Yeah, do you remember that?"

 

"Sure I do. I remember standing there looking at his bloody body in that ditch. Made me sick to my stomach. Thought I was going to throw up there for a while."

 

"I wish we hadn't a seen that." Ennis said and turned his head away as he tried to blot the memory out of his mind.

 

"Me too. But you know Dad. He had to make his point."

 

"What point was that? Why did he take two kids out to see a bloody dead body?" Ennis asked.

 

"He wanted to make sure we knew how he felt about queers." K.E. answered.

 

"Hell, we already knew that. He never let a chance go by that he didn't tell us that."

 

"It was just his way, I guess."

 

"Well it was wrong!" Ennis surprised himself at how strongly he felt that.

 

"He was wrong about a lot of things, Ennis. He's long gone now. Let it rest."

 

"I think he done the killin." Ennis said in a quiet voice.

 

"You think Dad killed Earl?"

 

"Uh huh. How else could he have known where that body was?"

 

"Oh I don't know …" K.E. said and thought about it for a while. "I guess somebody could a told him."

 

"Or he could a been right there with them when it happened. It happened on a Saturday night. That's the night Dad was always at his worst." Ennis said.

 

"You remembered that it was on a Saturday night?"

 

"No. But Mrs. Edgeworth showed me a newspaper tellin all about the killin. I saw the date. It was a Saturday night."

 

"And nobody was ever arrested for it, that I can remember." K.E. added.

 

"Nobody was. Whoever done it, got away Scott free!"

 

"Damn shame." K.E. said.

 

"Do you remember them? Earl and Rich?" Ennis asked.

 

"Yeah, I do."

 

"What do you remember? All I can remember is Dad tellin us how bad they were and callin 'em filthy names and tellin us to stay away from them. I always thought they were some kind of monsters or somethin, the way Dad talked about 'em."

 

"Oh hell no. They weren't monsters at all. In fact, every body liked them."

 

"Did you? Did you like them? Did Momma or Rosie?"

 

"Oh I don't know about that. Just stuff I heard around town."

 

"What did you hear?"

"Most of it was good. Some people didn't like 'em though."

 

"Why?" Ennis asked the question without thinking but he had to know the answer.

 

"They helped a lot of people around town. The few times I saw them, they were smiling and friendly. Most everyone liked them."

 

"But some didn't?"

 

"Yeah. Some said that they were queer. I never believed that though. I mean, they didn't look it – or act … ya know … funny or nothin."

 

"They was … normal and all?"

 

"Sure they were. But there were some that felt like they was doin wrong."

 

"What about you? Did you feel like they was doin wrong by livin together?"

 

"I never thought it was none of my business. I still don't."

 

"Dad said Earl was killed because he was queer. I remember that. At the time I didn't know what that meant. Do you think that's why he was killed?"

 

"Shit, I don't know. Talk around town was just that a bunch of drunks got thrown out of the Red Door and got mad and went out and killed Earl. They figured the drunks picked him because he was alone. Rich was out of town for some reason or other. I never did hear no talk about him being killed because he was queer."

 

"You think Dad might a been in on it?" Ennis asked the question that he had wondered about for so many years.

 

"He could a been. If he was drunk enough, I guess. They're all gone now. Can't make no difference to anyone any more." K.E. said.

 

Ennis was silent for a while, he needed time to think. Sharon came back into the room then and announced that lunch was ready. They ate and talked about old times and before knew it the kids were home from school. Ennis stayed for dinner and enjoyed the visit. He promised to do it again soon.

 

The drive home was somber. He was lost in thought. His whole world had been turned upside-down. He was out of work for the first time in eight years but he wasn't frightened about it. He had money in the bank to last several months. He had a new truck that didn't need constant maintenance. And he had found out things from his past that weren't true. No one seemed to think that Earl was killed because he was queer. He was killed because he had the misfortune of being alone on a night when a bunch of drunks were mad and on the prowl.

 

Ennis went to bed with his clothes on, exhausted, and fell immediately into a deep sleep.

He awoke ten hours later with the desperate need to see Jack. A visit with Jack was still a month away. Four long weeks. He just couldn't wait that long. He picked up the phone and dialed the number he had memorized long ago but never used.

 

"Newsome Farm Equipment", the girl answered.

 

"Uh … Jack Twist please. He there?"

 

"Just one moment."

 

He heard some clicking on the line then Jack's voice came on, "Jack Twist here; how can I help you?"

 

Everything in Ennis rose up and did flip-flops at the sound of Jack's voice – it always did.

"Jack … I need to see you … we need to talk."

 

"Ennis?" Jack hopped up from his chair behind his desk and closed the door to his little office. "What is it? You okay?"

 

"Any chance you can get away earlier than next month? I can't wait another four fuckin weeks to see you."

 

"A… well sure thing. Can you get away earlier?"

 

"Uh huh. I'm out a work, Jack. The ranch is gone and I got a lot to tell you. We need to talk and I don't want a do it over the phone."

 

"Sure, sure. You're not in any trouble are you? I can fly up there if you need me to."

 

"No. I ain't in any trouble, Jack. Just a lot a things been happenin and I need to talk to you."

 

"Okay. Okay. I'll have a quick talk with Lureen and get on the road then."

 

"You sure it's okay? You won't get in trouble or nothin?"

 

"No. I pretty much come and go around here as I please."

 

"Good. Okay then. Listen. Why don't I meet you half way – say in Denver?"

 

"You kiddin me? You think your truck will make it that far?"

 

"I got me a new truck, Jack. Brand spankin new. I been drivin all over the place. How about I meet you in Denver. How long will that take us to drive?"

 

"It's about an eight hour drive for me and about a six hour drive for you. I can make the whole drive – you know that."

 

"I know. But it ain't fair. You havin to drive all that way all the time. Maybe I ought to move to Denver. What do you think?"

 

"You been smokin anythin funny?"

 

Ennis laughed. "No Jack! I'm just anxious to see you."

 

"All right, all right. Where do you want to meet?"

 

"Hell, I don't know. I never been to Denver before."

 

"Right. Okay. Let me think a minute. There's a LaQuinta Inn right on the north side of town. It's right next to a Denny's restaurant. They've got the best food you ever did taste. How about we meet in the parking lot of La Quinta. I should be able to make it there by about 6 or 6:30. We can have supper and talk all night if you want to."

 

"Sounds good. But I'm thinkin we won't be needin to talk all night."

 

"Ennis, I don't know what's got into you but I can hardly wait to find out." Jack grinned.

 

"You, Jack. You're the only one in this world who ever got me; the only one who eve will."

 

Jack was shocked. This was the closest Ennis had ever come to telling Jack how she felt about him.

 

"See ya for supper then?"

 

"I'll be there waitin. You be careful drivin." Ennis said and hung up the phone.

 

Jack was in a state of shock but once the automatic recording came on saying "If you care to make a call, please hand up and try again." He slammed down the phone, jumped up and headed for Lureen's office. In less than an hour he was on the road heading north.

 

Ennis' stomach rumbled as he sat in his truck and waited. He nibbled on a bag of peanuts he'd picked up earlier in the day when he'd stopped for gas. The clock in the dashboard said 5:57. He drained the last of his coke, lit another cigarette and waited. The parking lot was nearly full. He hoped someone would pull out so Jack would have a place to park when he got there.

 

He watched the traffic on the nearby highway and was amazed that so many people were on the go in the middle of the week at supper time. He had never been in a town as big as Denver and he was only on the outskirts. He was glad that Jack had chosen a place that was right off the highway and easy to find. 

 

He was watching an argument between a little old lady and a young man, probably her grandson. Looked like she was trying to drag him out to her car but he was refusing to get in. A car horn blared right in front of him and he was startled to see Jack sitting there grinning at him. 

 

"Hey," Jack said out his window.

 

"Hey yourself." Ennis grinned back and could hardly breathe for a moment. It was the same way every time – first glance he got of Jack always took his breath away.

 

"I'll check in." Jack said and pulled into the parking spot left by the old lady as she pulled out with her grandson and his bawling girlfriend. 

 

It took a long eight minutes before Jack came back out with a smile and a nod that said 'follow me'. They drove to the building in the back and each got out, locked their trucks and carried their gear over to room 123. 

 

Ennis could hardly stand it just standing there next to Jack while he fiddled with the lock. Just the smell of him, being this close to him, set Ennis' blood to boil. Finally the door was opened and Jack walked in. Ennis followed and before the door was barely latched they grabbed onto each other in a fierce kiss that lasted until they were both on the bed, naked and exhausted.

 

They lay there, side by side, gasping for air. Jack finally turned over on his side and swung a leg over Ennis' legs and an arm across his chest. He rested his chin on Ennis' shoulder.

 

"I love the way you say 'hello'." Jack said and pressed his lips against the heated flesh.

 

"You ain't so bad at it yourself." Ennis said and turned sideways, spooning with his back against Jack.

 

"You said you needed to talk to me?" Jack encouraged. He had been wondering what Ennis had on his mind and thought about it the entire drive up there.

 

"You ain't sleepy or hungry? You wanna go eat first?"

 

"I could do either one or both." Jack said.

 

"Let's stay here then – for a little while at least. I like this." He rubbed Jack's arm.

 

Jack snuggled up closer then and placed a kiss behind Ennis' ear and nosed the small blond curls that hid there.

 

"There ain't nothin like this, Jack, nothin in the world."

 

"Shit!" Jack said as a family trampled by outside and he realized two things – the door hadn't latched and he could see a thin line of sunshine around it and that the drapes weren't closed all the way. Someone could have seen them! 

 

He jumped up and shoved the door closed and twisted the lock then he pulled the drapes tightly closed.

 

Ennis leaned up, watched what he was doing and turned on the small lamp that sat on the table between the two big beds. "Guess we'd better be a little more careful." He grinned.

 

"I can't help it, Ennis." Jack said as he resumed his place on the bed behind Ennis and drew him back into his arms. "I get one look at you and all my brains go south."

 

"I know. I was thinkin the same thing." Ennis agreed and pressed back into Jack's embrace.

 

"I don't think anybody saw anythin. If they had, we'd a heard something."

 

"Jack, I got so much to talk to you about, I can't hardly think straight."

 

"Well, just sort 'em all out and take 'em on one at a time. We got all night."

 

"I can't. Not yet. I'm starving!" He sat up but kept both hands on Jack not wanting to give up the touch of him just yet.

 

"You're hungry?" Jack said sitting up beside him.

 

"Uh huh. Ain't you?"

 

"You know me. I can always eat."

 

"I hate to leave here but we need to eat. We can pick up some beer and get back here and then we can talk. What do you think?"

 

"Okay. Whatever you want. I just hate to have to get dressed again. I like us being naked." Jack grinned and reached for his jeans.

 

"Me too. Soon as we get back we'll get naked and stay that way."

Ennis said as he snapped up his jeans.

 

"I got an idea. You like pizza?" Jack asked.

 

"Pizza? Sure."

 

"They deliver in this town."

 

"Huh?"

 

"We call 'em and they'll bring it out to our room."

 

"You're kiddin."

 

"Nope. It's done all the time. There's a chicken place that does that too. We work this right and we won't have to leave this room for days."

 

Boots were pulled on and jeans pulled down over them. Jack grabbed his keys and said, "Let's go in my truck. I know where there's a grocery store. We can get some beer and some other snacks and stuff. There's several drive-through places around here too. We could hit one of those for dinner and we wouldn't have to wait on a pizza tonight."

 

Less than an hour later they were back in their room with an ice chest filled with ice and beer, several bags of groceries, and a big white bag that said Taco Belle on the side.

 

They spread their food out on the table, popped open a couple of beers and gobbled down their dinner. 

 

"This is good, Jack. We don't have a Taco Belle in Riverton."

 

"That's too bad. I love their food." Jack said as he licked his fingers then wiped them on a napkin.

 

"It's great." Ennis agreed as he shoved the last of his taco into his mouth and wiped his hands. 

 

They sat back in their chairs opposite each other at the little table and both lit cigarettes.

 

"So you gonna tell me now what's on your mind?" Jack asked.

 

"I got so many things I wanna say." Ennis twiddled his cigarette between his fingers and thumb.

 

"I'm listenin." Jack encouraged and he leaned forward with elbows on the table and his hands laced together.

 

"Okay. This all happened two weeks ago, come Friday. I was standin in line at the bank ready to deposit my pay check when I opened it up." He explained everything about how he went back to see Mr. Cole and how they had talked and how he had been sure that since he had taken the gun that Mr. Cole would be all right. He told him about getting drunk and almost missing the funeral and about wandering around town wondering what he was going to do next. 

 

Jack listened intently and muttered an occasional, "That's a shame."

Ennis told him then about driving the truck for the first time and ending up in Sage. He told him about going out to his old house and how eerie it left him feeling and how he stopped at the library and talked with the old woman.

 

"Remember, once a long time ago, I told you about two guys livin together and one of them gettin murdered?"

 

"Yeah, I remember." Jack looked away. He hated that memory. He knew that had a lot to do with Ennis refusing to be with him.

 

"I found out about it."

 

"I thought you already knew about it."

 

"So did I. I was wrong though."

 

"Wrong how? You mean he didn't die?"

 

"Oh he died all right. But he wasn't killed 'cause he was … queer."

 

Jack was dumstruck. He had never heard Ennis use that word. He just stared at Ennis.

 

"There was a fight at the bar. Must a been pretty bad 'cause the bar tender closed the place down early and threw everybody out. They seem to think that it was some of that crowd that done the killin and it was just 'cause they was drunk and mad and in the fightin mood and Earl was an easy target 'cause Rich was out a town and he was alone."

 

"What do you think?"

 

"I don't know. Maybe that my Dad had somethin to do with it." He looked at Jack for his reaction and Jack just stared at him.

 

"Next day after I got back from Sage, I drove up to Worland and talked with K.E."

 

"You asked him about the killin?"

 

"I did. I told him what I'd found out in Sage. He was twelve at the time so he remembered it more than I did."

 

"What did he say?"

 

"He said that Dad could a done it if he was drunk enough."

 

"You think he did it?"

 

"I don't know. K.E. says they're all dead now so it don't matter no more to anyone."

 

"I suppose that's true." Jack agreed.

 

"Well it matters to me!" Ennis snapped.

 

Jack looked up.

 

"It scared me bad, Jack! Dad told us over and over again how much everyone hated Earl and Rich and what evil sinnin people they were. I believed 'em, Jack. He said that was what happened to people like that … people like us."

 

Jack stared at him, everything sliding into focus now but he said nothing.

 

"I figured if anyone ever found out we been … you know … together, that they'd come for us – sooner or later."

 

"Ennis …" Jack tried to speak but he didn't know what he could say to help the situation any. "It ain't like that. Nobody much cares and those that do usually just keep their mouths shut about it. Now and then you hear a nasty remark but that's about all."

 

"Mrs. Edgeworth, the libririan, she said they were well liked, both Earl and Rich. She said that they lived there together for years and years and nobody bothered 'em. She said it didn't matter to 'em that two guys were livin together – said it was nobody's business."

 

"That's the way most people think, Ennis."

 

"I didn't never know that. I thought it was the other way around – that most people hated … queers … and felt like they ought to be killed. That's what Dad always said."

 

"Your Daddy was wrong, Ennis." Jack said matter of factly.

 

Ennis sat and stared at Jack and finally mumbled, "Most people really don't care?"

 

"Hell no! It ain't their business to know such things. Most people know that."

 

Ennis leaned back in his chair and lit up another smoke. He didn’t speak again until he finished it. He just sat there staring off into space. Jack got up and got another beer and sat back down and joined him in silence.

 

Ennis stubbed his cigarette out and finished off his beer in one gulp. "You know this for a fact?"

"Uh huh. Ennis, there are places everywhere now for … people like us. Haven't you ever heard of San Francisco?"

 

"Sure I have. It's in California and it's got a big bridge or somethin. What's that got to do with anythin?"

 

"There's an entire community there where people like us live. And we're not called 'queer' any more, Ennis. We're called 'gay'."

 

"Gay?"

 

"Uh huh. It's the same thing. Guys who like guys."

 

"You tellin me that San Francisco is filled with … queer … gay guys like us?"

 

"Not the entire town, but a good part of it is. There are apartment houses, and businesses and restaurants and night clubs just for people like us."

 

"And nobody bothers them?"

 

"Nobody. Oh I'm sure there are problems from time to time but you have that sort of thing where ever you live."

 

"There ain't nothin like that in Wyomin." Ennis shook his head.

 

"As a matter of fact, there is. There's some gay night clubs in Cheyenne and a couple of places in Casper."

 

"For sure?"

 

"Uh huh. I been in 'em – them and more. There's some right here in Denver. A lot of 'em."

 

Ennis' mouth dropped open.

 

"Weren't you scared to go into 'em?"

 

"Nope. Why should I be scared? They're people just like us?"

 

"I don't know about that, Jack."

 

"That's 'cause you're just now findin out about 'em. I've known about such places since back when I was on the rodeo circuit. They got whore houses too."

 

"Whore houses?"

 

"Uh huh. Where a man can go and have sex with other men for money."

 

"You're shittin me now … ain't ya?"

 

"Nope."

 

"And they don't get closed down or raided or nothin?"

 

"Well, sometimes they do – just like regular whore houses but they got 'em just the same."

 

"You know an awful lot about this stuff." Ennis said but not in an accusing way.

 

"I been alone most of my life, Ennis. I get lonely and miserable and needin it." That was all he said about it – just an explanation – not an apology.

 

"I guess I been wrong about just about everythin, Jack."

 

Jack felt sick to his stomach. He was afraid of what Ennis might say next.

 

"I been scared most of my life. I guess I'm a coward." Ennis chewed on a thumbnail.

 

"You're not no coward, Ennis."

 

"Yes I am. I have been all my life. Earliest I can remember I was afraid of K.E., afraid of my Dad. Then the folks passed and I was afraid of starvin, afraid K.E. would take off and leave me somewhere. Then I met you and I been worse scared. Scared that someone would find out what we been doin. I'm a coward all right."

 

"Stop sayin that, Ennis. You're not no coward!"

 

"I wasted most a my life bein afraid. You're not never afraid though, are you?" He looked up at Jack.

 

"Sure I am. I'm afraid of lots of things. That don't make me no coward though and it don't make you one neither. It just makes us smart. It's smart to know when to be afraid."

 

"I wish I was like you, Jack. I hate bein afraid."

 

"Well don't be then. You got nothin to be afraid of." Jack reached over and tugged on Ennis' arm.

 

Ennis stared at him for a minute that covered Jack's hand with his own. "I love you, Jack. Is it all right to say that?"

 

Jack was stunned. They had never said the words before and he never dreamed he hear them.

 

"Uh huh. You can say that any time you want to."

 

"Really?" Ennis smiled up at him – just a little smile with the corners of his mouth turning up.

 

"I always wanted to say it to you but I was afraid you'd take a swing at me." Jack grinned.

 

"I might have. I done it before." He rubbed the back of Jack's hand.

 

"I remember." Jack said with a little chuckle.

 

"I got lots a things like that inside me I always wanted to say." Ennis stuttered like it was some guilty thing he was confessing to.

 

"Well, now's the time to say it." Jack encouraged.

 

Ennis took one look at that grin on Jack's face and reached out and caressed a smiling cheek.

 

"I love your smile." He said shyly.

 

"Thank you."

 

"I love to touch you." He slipped a hand into Jack's and held on tight.

 

"I love that too."

 

"I love the sound of your voice."

 

Jack grinned again; obviously enjoying everything Ennis was saying and this encouraged Ennis to continue.

 

"I love the way you look at me. It makes me feel … I don't know … all kind of … giggly, I guess."

 

"Giggly?" Jack said with mock horror. "Are you saying I make you laugh?"

 

"Sometimes you do. But that ain't exactly what I meant by giggly."

 

"What then? What did you mean?"

 

"I don't know. When I see you … I get all like I got butterflies in my stomach or somethin. My mind don't work right and I start stutterin and the words don't come out that I wanna say."

 

"What is it you wanna say?"

 

"I already said it. I love you, Jack. I guess what you make me feel is … happy. You make me smile … inside."

 

"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." Jack said and squeezed Ennis' hand.

 

"You told me once, a long time ago, that it could be like this always. I didn't believe you then."

 

"Do you believe you now?"

 

"I guess I have to. It's been more than twenty years now and I still feel the same way I felt that that first night you kissed me. You remember that?"

 

"I sure do. I thought I was going to have to go out there and drag you into the tent."

 

"You didn't have to drag me. Not that night or any other night from then on." Ennis grinned at the memory of that summer so long ago.

 

"C'mere, Ennis." Jack pulled him to his feet and they sat on the edge of the bed next to each other. Jack had one arm around Ennis and Ennis was holding Jack's other hand in both of his.

 

"I love you, Ennis. I've never known anyone like you; never known anyone who makes me feel the way you do." He leaned his forehead against Ennis'.

 

"Jack, could we really do it? Could we be together?" Ennis whispered the words; almost afraid still to say them out loud.

 

Jack swallowed hard. Had he actually heard Ennis say those words? Was this all a dream? Jack pulled his hand free of Ennis' hands and pinched himself hard on the cheek, then slapped himself several times.

 

"Stop that! What're you doin?" Ennis asked with a look like he thought Jack was going crazy or something.

 

"I must be dreamin. I gotta wake up. No! If I'm dreamin, I don't ever want to wake up." Jack stopped what he was doing.

 

"Jack!"

 

"You want us to be together?" Jack asked cautiously, hoping that he had heard right.

 

"Uh huh. If that's what you still want." Ennis was a little worried that Jack might change his mind.

 

"I want it more than I want to go on breathin, Ennis."

 

"I was hopin you might say that." Ennis favored him with another smile.

 

"When? When do you want to do this and what exactly is it that you want to do?"

 

"Oh man, I'm scared!" Ennis said and stood up and began to pace. He grabbed up another cigarette and lit it. "Right now." He said in a determined way that frightened him.

 

"Right now? For how long?" Jack wasn't quite sure what Ennis was saying.

 

"Forever – for ever how many years we got left – I want us to be together."

 

Jack was stunned. He had hoped that Ennis was going to agree to see him more often but he never dreamed he was thinking of forever.

 

"You serious?"

 

"Uh huh. If you think we can still do it."

 

"You mean the cow/calf thing? You know the cattle business has hit rock bottom?"

 

"Uh huh. That's what I heard. I was thinkin maybe horses or even sheep. There's always a need for wool. And we could do chickens. They're easy enough to care for and there's always a market for eggs. We could run some beef just for the meat and for tradin."

 

"Where you thinkin we could do this?" Jack asked still not believing they were having this conversation.

 

"I don't care. You're the one who done all the travelin around. You pick a place. Anywhere but Texas. I ain't anxious to run into any of your old … acquaintances."

 

"You mean it? You'll get a place with me?"

 

"Can't see as how it would matter to anyone any more. My girls are growed up and gone now and your boy's off in college."

 

"Ennis … I can't tell you what it means to me to hear you sayin this." Jack choked up.

 

"Just say what you feel, Jack, like I done. You still wanna do this?"

"YES! YES! YES!" Jack bellowed and grabbed Ennis up in a bear hug.

 

"You can do it and all? Right now? What about Lureen?" All the little details came bubbling out now that they were actually talking about doing it.

 

"Don't you worry none about Texas. I can take care of that with one phone call." Jack assured him then asked, "You got any places in mind?"

 

"I don't know of no places but Wyomin. There's lots a nice places around. I gotta tell you though, I ain't got all that much cash. With what Mr. Cole paid me and what little I had in the bank I got a couple thousand cash money. I got my two horses and my trailer. It ain't much but it's paid for and it might come in handy if we found a place that didn't have much of a house on it. I got the new truck and I could get a pretty good loan on it I think. That's about all I got, Jack."

 

"You got a lot more than that, Ennis. You got the know-how, you got the energy, and you got me!" Jack grinned at him.

 

"I'll tell you this, Jack Twist. You keep smilin at me like that and I'll promise you anything you want – anything! I ain't tellin you 'no' never again."

 

"Promise me this isn't a dream! Promise me I'm not gonna wake up in a few minutes and be in my bed in Childress!"

 

"I promise you, Jack, that from now on, whenever you wake up you'll be seein nothin but my ugly face smilin at you." Ennis grinned.

 

Jack held the dear face in both hands and kissed the lips gently. "Dreams do come true!" He whispered as they stood there swaying slightly back and forth as they held on to one another.

 

THE END


End file.
